I face two eternal struggles when I read fanfiction. The first is accidentally reading 180,000 words in one sitting. Always at night and always, it seems, the night before a big event. The second is becoming emotionally invested in a fic that updates every four to six business months or leaves you high and dry like a father who went to buy milk.
When it comes to a completed fic, I believe it all breaks down into four key phases: Exploration, Denial, Commitment, and Post-fic Psychosis.
Chapter 1 – Exploration
I read the fic summary – I’m intrigued. I read Chapter One – it’s tantalising. I read chapter two. It is, unquestionably, only getting better. Chapter six – The plot is plotting. It’s usually around 11 PM by this point. Two hours later, I reach chapter 10 of this 50-chapter fic, and I reach a beautifully natural stopping point. It’s a clearing in the woods, a bed for me to lie in, because it’s already 1AM and I should go to sleep.
Chapter 2 – Denial
I tell myself only one more chapter, but I know there is no escape for me from the immediate self-inflicted pain and ecstasy of pressing “next chapter” for eight hours straight, and if I’m honest with myself, I knew it since the moment I saw “complete” in those tags.
Chapter 3 – Commitment
It’s like running a marathon where the only muscles tested are my eyes. Instead of tightening my shoelaces and putting my headphones on, I’m pressing lock screen orientation on my phone and turning down the brightness.
I can read it in a meeting, I can read it on the bus, I can read it at dinner, I can read it anywhere and once it’s downloaded, wifi can’t hold me back. Could I stop? No. Unfortunately, this fanfic reader has never possessed self-control.
It’s not over until every word is read, and I can hear the birds chirping in the morning sun. That’s when I’ve earned the right to take a one-hour power nap before I get ready for work.
Chapter 4 – Post-fic psychosis
I have flashbacks all day. I feel sleep deprived but satisfied. I’m crazy and I am free.
A completed fic doesn’t simply “take up your evening.” It becomes your full-time occupation. Suddenly, your entire existence revolves around whether these emotionally constipated idiots are finally going to communicate properly. Real-life obligations start feeling like annoying interruptions to the purpose. Reading 300k words of mutual pining slow burn written by someone named “wolfstarbabygirl”.
The worst part is the physical devastation. Reading fanfiction all night produces a uniquely cursed next-day experience. You wake up disoriented at 2 PM with your phone still in your hand, feeling like being hit by a truck. Your eyes hurt because of the screen. Your neck hurts because of the awkward phone angle. Your head hurts from fatigue. You vaguely remember crying at 4:17 AM over a line of dialogue that would sound completely unhinged if spoken aloud in public.
That’s ok for the finished fics. Imagine if I put myself through this torture for something without an ending.
A completed fic does mess up your sleep schedule and academic performance for a while, but an unfinished fic will take up a long-term lease in a shabby but charming two-bedroom apartment in your hippocampus. It becomes part of your daily routine. You begin checking your email like a wife awaiting news of her husband at war.
Both experiences are deeply humbling and possess their own uniquely torturous and addictive qualities.
An unfinished fic doesn’t ruin one evening. It ruins your entire psychological landscape.
At first, there’s no worry. I read the summary. I notice the tiny little “12/?” sitting beside the chapter count like a warning sign sent directly from God. I hesitate briefly. Maybe this time will be different. I hope. I pray.
I start reading.
I open AO3 first thing in the morning just to “check”. I know there won’t be an update. The author literally posted three days ago. Rationally, I understand this. Emotionally, however, I’ve become convinced Chapter 13 might appear through divine intervention.
“Sorry, this chapter took longer than expected!”
Longer than expected? What does that mean? Are they struggling? Are they abandoning the fic? Are they alive? Should we send provisions?
I comment: “Don’t worry! Take your time!” I’M WORRIED HURRY UP. “The last chapter was amazing!” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU “Can’t wait for the next one :)” I LIVE FOR THIS FIC.
Despite my hopes and prayers and desperate comments, my worst fears come true. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn to months and the next thing I know -last updated: 2022.”
At this point, the fic essentially becomes a historial. You reread old chapters for closure that will never come. You scroll through the comments and mourn with fellow readers.
“Please come back.”
“I think about this fic every day.”
“It’s been two years but I still have hope.”
It’s less a comment section and more of a support group.
Completed fics destroy your schedule, your productivity and your ability to function as a member of society for approximately 48 consecutive hours.
Unfinished fics will infiltrate your subconscious until your emotional well-being becomes dependent on whether your favourite author can find time to bring the world you love so much back to life.
Neither option is healthy, but I regret nothing.