I face two eternal struggles when I read fanfiction. The first is accidentally reading 180,000 words in one sitting. Always at night and always, it seems, the night before a big event. The second is becoming emotionally invested in a fic that updates every four to six business months or leaves you high and dry like a father who went to buy milk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When it comes to a completed fic, I believe it all breaks down into four key phases: Exploration<\/em>, Denial<\/em>, Commitment<\/em>, and Post-fic Psychosis<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapter 1 – <\/strong>Exploration<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I read the fic summary – I\u2019m intrigued. I read Chapter One – it\u2019s tantalising. I read chapter two. It is, unquestionably, only getting better. Chapter six – The plot is plotting. It’s usually around 11 PM by this point. Two hours later, I reach chapter 10 of this 50-chapter fic, and I reach a beautifully natural stopping point. It\u2019s a clearing in the woods, a bed for me to lie in, because it\u2019s already 1AM and I should go to sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapter 2 – <\/strong>Denial<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I tell myself only one more chapter, but I know there is no escape for me from the immediate self-inflicted pain and ecstasy of pressing \u201cnext chapter\u201d for eight hours straight, and if I’m honest with myself, I knew it since the moment I saw \u201ccomplete\u201d in those tags. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapter 3 – <\/strong>Commitment <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s like running a marathon where the only muscles tested are my eyes. Instead of tightening my shoelaces and putting my headphones on, I\u2019m pressing lock screen orientation on my phone and turning down the brightness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I can read it in a meeting, I can read it on the bus, I can read it at dinner, I can read it anywhere and once it\u2019s downloaded, wifi can’t hold me back. Could I stop? No<\/em>. Unfortunately, this fanfic reader has never possessed self-control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not over until every word is read, and I can hear the birds chirping in the morning sun. That\u2019s when I\u2019ve earned the right to take a one-hour power nap before I get ready for work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapter 4 – Post-fic psychosis<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I have flashbacks all day. I feel sleep deprived but satisfied. I’m crazy and I am free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A completed fic doesn\u2019t simply \u201ctake up your evening.\u201d It becomes your full-time occupation. Suddenly, your entire existence revolves around whether these emotionally constipated idiots are finally going to communicate properly. Real-life obligations start feeling like annoying interruptions to the purpose. Reading 300k words of mutual pining slow burn written by someone named \u201cwolfstarbabygirl\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The worst part is the physical devastation. Reading fanfiction all night produces a uniquely cursed next-day experience. You wake up disoriented at 2 PM with your phone still in your hand, feeling like being hit by a truck. Your eyes hurt because of the screen. Your neck hurts because of the awkward phone angle. Your head hurts from fatigue. You vaguely remember crying at 4:17 AM over a line of dialogue that would sound completely unhinged if spoken aloud in public.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s ok for the finished fics. Imagine if I put myself through this torture for something without an ending.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A completed fic does<\/em> mess up your sleep schedule and academic performance for a while, but an unfinished fic will take up a long-term lease in a shabby but charming two-bedroom apartment in your hippocampus. It becomes part of your daily routine. You begin checking your email like a wife awaiting news of her husband at war.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Both experiences are deeply humbling and possess their own uniquely torturous and addictive qualities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n An unfinished fic doesn\u2019t ruin one evening. It ruins your entire psychological landscape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At first, there’s no worry. I read the summary. I notice the tiny little \u201c12\/?\u201d sitting beside the chapter count like a warning sign sent directly from God. I hesitate briefly. Maybe this time will be different. I hope. I pray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I start reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I open AO3 first thing in the morning just to \u201ccheck\u201d. I know there won\u2019t be an update. The author literally posted three days ago. Rationally, I understand this. Emotionally, however, I’ve become convinced Chapter 13 might appear through divine intervention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSorry, this chapter took longer than expected!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Longer than expected? What does that mean? Are they struggling? Are they abandoning the fic? Are they alive? Should we send provisions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I comment: \u201cDon’t worry! Take your time!\u201d I\u2019M WORRIED HURRY UP. \u201cThe last chapter was amazing!\u201d I WOULD DIE FOR YOU \u201cCan’t wait for the next one :)\u201d I LIVE FOR THIS FIC.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Despite my hopes and prayers and desperate comments, my worst fears come true. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn to months and the next thing I know -last updated: 2022.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n At this point, the fic essentially becomes a historial. You reread old chapters for closure that will never come. You scroll through the comments and mourn with fellow readers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease come back.\u201d It\u2019s less a comment section and more of a support group.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Completed fics destroy your schedule, your productivity and your ability to function as a member of society for approximately 48 consecutive hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfinished fics will infiltrate your subconscious until your emotional well-being becomes dependent on whether your favourite author can find time to bring the world you love so much back to life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Neither option is healthy, but I regret nothing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I face two eternal struggles when I read fanfiction. The first is accidentally reading 180,000 words in one sitting. Always at night and always, it seems, the night before a big event. The second is becoming emotionally invested in a fic that updates every four to six business months or leaves you high and dry […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":273,"featured_media":1050,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-what-the-fic-posts","category-what-the-fic-top-story-posts"],"yoast_head":"\n
\u201cI think about this fic every day.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s been two years but I still have hope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n